Bitter-Sweet Thanks

Today I am challenged by Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts challenge.

Her life has been changed by turning it around in thanks, and she has opened up the challenge to the rest of us, to thank our way into a deeper trust in the Grace that the I AM offers.

Today I feel a bitter-sweet thankfulness:  thankful for the way my husband talks to me about patterns of sin in my life.  Patiently asking me to think.  Resisting the urge to quit when I answer not-so-patiently back, arms folded across my chest.  Lovingly pushing me to think.  Think.  Why do I keep doing what I am doing when it keeps me from loving my children, loving my husband, keeping my home and ultimately loving my God?

Oh, and that thinking brings such a soiled picture of myself!  Yet afterwards–even at the time–I am thankful for eyes to see the ugly, dirty, so-dedicated-to-self me.  It’s a chance for new beginnings.  Try again!

But with the seeing comes the fear.  Fear of failing… again.  I’ve fallen into that whirlpool of not trying because I’m just going to fall again.  But it’s a LIE!  Not that I will fall again–that part is so true.  But the part that I must not try if I’m going to fail; that is the lie I am so dedicated to believing.

I pull out my sword to fight the fear:   He says, “When you fall you will not be hurled headlong, because I AM is at your right hand.”  He also promises to make polished, sparkling silver out of this mess of dirty metal… if I get up and try again and hold that Right Hand that holds mine.

I am bitter-sweet thankful for husband, eyes to see, grace that forgives and gives another chance, and Truth that conquers fear.

[It’s my first time to add my words here… not sure if I did it right or was too long?]

By: Lisa Bridges

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