It is 1:00 a.m. and I am awake and check FB for something to pass the time……..I should have chosen something else because I am now sick. Sick of myself! Sick of doing stupid stuff that has consequences that were not intended. Sick of hurting people I never meant to harm. Sick of being misunderstood and not given the benefit of doubt. Why? Why oh why does this keep happening. This a gift? For who? From a loving God? Can I get an Amen? Am I the only one in this boat of anxiety caused by a mistake that has caused another to question my friendship, loyalty, compassion, concern, care, thoughtfulness, ………….
An apology is not wanted, was not accepted, SILENCE is all I got. The Lord knows I didn’t mean to do this stupid thing I did. I am such a LOSER sometimes and you can believe it keeps me humble.
Some have no trouble confronting when they think they have been wronged. I on the other hand just “let it go.” Is either course right? How oh God can I mend the heart I have injured without intent? How can I worship if I cannot make it right?
What is my gift in this? I struggle to see one through the tears that fill my eyes……….but it comes slowly into view………….The Lord has not called me a loser but his daughter, the one who He will vindicate, the one He died to save from sin and self. With tears of sorrow for hurting one I love and have compassion for, tears for the things that will never be, tears for this Father who loves me inspite of my mistakes (unintentioned and intentioned), and tears for the forgiveness He gives even when others do not. I found the rainbow in the storm. His promises are yes and amen. Though this world slay me (and it does emotionally) yet, will I TRUST HIM!