Last night about 11:30 pm I said goodbye to a young woman that I have loved for 21 years. Loved her long, loved her tough, loved her when everyone else turned away, encouraged her, prayed until my knees bled for her, corrected her, and punished her. No she was not my daughter but my once upon a time daughter in law who did one magnificent thing right in her life, she gave birth to my granddaughter.
How can you be thankful when someone takes their own life and leaves behind a grief so deep it wrenches out; questions so unanswered that your mind cannot be still; hopes for healing and reconciliation that will NEVER be realized this side of heaven; a mother and father grasping for a clock whose hands go backwards for a redo; a daughter with quilt for words that were full of truth but said too harshly; a son tetering on his own precipice of life; and too many who have not walked in these shoes hurling blame and accusations of what should have been adding to immeasurable pain.
This is one of those gifts that certainly doesn’t feel like a gift. This feels like a baggage that will never be able to be cast off. The operative word is FEELS LIKE. This is not my first trip down this dark lonely road. I found reasons to be thankful before and I will again. This time it will be easier because I have learned the lesson of euchariteo. I hope to teach them to the child left behind by modeling it while giving her room to grieve. Grieving is important and hard work.
My gifts today are
The life of one who laughed long ago and now laughs once again in HIS holy presence, free from oppression of depression, the demon of drugs, and the guilt of poor choices because she had trusted Jesus as Savior!!
Hope for tomorrow and all that God can and will do through this tragedy
Son who showed up and made me proud
A God who forgives ALL sin! and a Savior who grieved and said it is “ok” to do so.
Sifting that comes from hard circumstances that have been allowed by a sovereign God and then applying the heat to burn off the chaff and leave only that which can be used to nourish others.